Ottawa - At a hastilly called news conference, an emotional Vic Toews broke down onto tears yesterday over the recent release of documents about his divorce. "I'm here working long hours to Save The Children from those Evil Perverts, many of whom are not loyal supporters and our enemies, anf this is the thanks I get", Towes blubberred with tears rolling down his face. "I was just getting over it and now thos..." Toews contined breaking into tears again.
"See what the perverts and their friends have done?" sniffed Dina della Maestra, CPC MP for Backwoods, Ontario, with tears rolling down his face also. "Men like Vic Toews should be above criticism. Any opposing remarks are just cruel", della Maestra said befor breaking down into sobs himself.
Affairs Minister John Bard expressed his outrage at oppostion opeatives upsetting Mr. Toews. "I would personally like to go over there and punch those guys out" Bard said. "They made my friends Vic and Dina cry. I'd like to make them cry. Well wait until this new Bill is implemented. Then they're really going to get it!", Mr. Bard said angrilly.
"Just becasue a few innocent people might get charged and have their lives effected a little bit neggatively; Just becasue a few people might have their property seized; Just becasue a few police officers might use their new powers to search without warrant to settle persinal scores - that is no reason to bring up my divorce proceedings", Mr. Toews said after regaining his composure.
Flanked by Mr. Bard and Mr. Della Maestra, Mr. Towes promised a remoseless campaign against perverts and anyone who defends them. "Even if Bobby's pal did nothing illegal, he should have the full measure of State Power throen at him. He tried to make me look bad. This is a prime example of why myself, John (Bard) and Dina (della Maestra) have to be above the new law." Mr. Towes said, his eyes still red.
"If you aren't doing anything wrong, you shouldn't mind the police looking into what you're doing. And even if some of those things happen that the Perverts and their Friends are claiming could happen, well you have to break a few eggs to make an omellette", Mr. Bard said before declaring the news conference over.
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