"Letters to Miss Emily..."

by **backhoe** » 07/ 20/ 10 5:15 pm

Well, baby, we're getting into the hottest part of summer and I'm doing that ritual that you-- and no-one else- knew so well-- taking off the stuff that made me hotter, squeezed, or hurt me... belt, shoes, and socks.

Remember that wet floorboard problem your little car had? It's back. Ken said the next step, if blowing the drain line didn't cure it was $500 or so at a dealers to dismantle the center console. Can't do it, cutie-- I'm afraid you'd be beside yourself, but we need the bucks here, more-- it's just going to have to do like it is.

Got a burger at Fox, and that nice older woman server told me ( after asking "how's your summer going?" and getting a synopsis ) that she had recently lost her Mom, and her husband, who was only 45... life is a son of a bitch sometimes.

I'm finally getting the kitchen Win 2000 PC whipped in to shape-- seems like I built it in 2004, when you and Marsha were away at some convention. Shame you didn't keep up your friendship-- I always thought she helped you reach higher.

All a Dead Letter Office, now, isn't it? The Iron Curtain...

When I came home this evening, I found myself thinking

"Sure is a handsome house.
Sure is a pretty yard.
I bet a really fine couple lives there..."

johnny loves you
and all my babies, all of them, men, an women, and beasties, black and white
sleep tight, babies

by **backhoe** » 07/ 21/ 10 2:28 am

"Sure is a handsome house.
Sure is a pretty yard.
I bet a really fine couple lives there..." 
Here is a picture-- our first Christmas together, on that "prestigious, private Island," in The House of the Satanist ( see other references )--

 

 
<img src="http://tinyurl.com/22jmd7j" height="232" width="313">
 

 

 
It is "so Emily..."
"...and I straighten
 
Miss Emily's Picture
 
on the wall..."

by **backhoe** » 07/ 21/ 10 5:51 am

"The Persistence of Memory..."

Melted watches and beaches...

Funny, how I had nearly forgotten this song...

It reminds me

of you...

http://tinyurl.com/ych4ebj

Always and forever each moment with you
Is just like a dream to me that somehow came true
And I know tomorrow will still be the same
'Cause we've got a life of love that won't ever change and

(Chorus)
Everyday love me your own special way
Melt all my heart away with a smile
Take time to tell me you really care
And we'll share tomorrow together
I'll always love you

Forever, forever

There'll always be sunshine when I look at you
Something I can't explain just the things that you do
And if you get lonely phone me and take
A second to give to me that magic you make and

Chorus

Forever, Forever
Loving you is the thing that I plan
For a very long time
Me and you, you and me, we as one

love forever
for a very long time

for a very long time
always forever love you
forever, forever, forever, forever

loving loving you

love love love
i said forever

ever love you
love you
ever and a day
and one day
loving you
yea yea yea yea
forvever
always forever love you
ever and a day
ever and a day
always forever love you
forever

by **backhoe** » 07/ 21/ 10 10:17 am

Kid, it's a strange thing how I had not equated the dog's changes in behavior with your passing-- and maybe it's just some unrelated canine thing, but...

You know how Cole could never be out of contact with you? Like a gosling following Mother Goose around? How he was always snuggling and touching you?

Remember how Zoey would bark incessantly any time she saw you, but couldn't be with you? We even tried a bark collar, and that didn't do a thing, either, to quiet her down...

She hasn't barked since you went away.

Cole? He'll snuggle up to me in bed, or by the chair- but he's no longer obsessive about it.

I do have to wonder if, in the way of animals, they somehow knew their time with you would be cut short...

I know I'll never have an answer, this side of life, but...

Scratch Taffy's ears for me, and tell her "johnny loves you, girly..."

by **backhoe** » 07/ 21/ 10 2:27 pm

backhoe wrote:
We'll see if you pack of mutts is smart enough to learn how to use it:

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v117/rollinson/dogdoor1.jpg" height="232" width="313">

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v117/rollinson/dogdoor2.jpg" height="232" width="313">

In the Annoyances Dept?

It belatedly occurred to me that mounting the above in the back storm door makes a lot more sense.

Both dogs automatically go there at "Out!"
Or when the doorbell rings.

It means butchering the door with the sawzall, but the dog door is already mounted to a plate-- just move it, and fill the gaps with plywood.

Damn it, I should have thought of that.

We had talked about getting a new storm door anyway-- this one's 23 years old, cheap, and does not seal well...

Wrecking out time, I reckon...

by **backhoe** » 07/ 21/ 10 4:38 pm

Well, I moved the dadblamed thing cutie-- Zoey actually followed Cole out- but he didn't want to come in thru it. Son of a gun...

You electronic presence on the web is dying down to nothing, and it's... sad, just sad.

I know I need to get those death certificates and make the rounds-- it's just that, like the on web, it's like killing a little more of you off.

And us.

We're not a "we," anymore, are we?

Dead Worlds are strange things-- everything is like you remember it from Your World, except just one thing- one vital thing-- is gone, and it just isn't the same.

Never will be...
Never can be...
...ever, again.

I sure wish those 25 years had gone a little slower. Wish we had done a number of things better, or differently.

Wish we'd spent more time doing things we liked, together.

All a Dead Letter, now.

It was another magnificent day
wish you had seen it
johnny

by **backhoe** » 07/ 22/ 10 2:33 am

Well, here it is:

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v117/rollinson/door3.jpg" height="232" width="313">

Yes, the vacuum cleaner is the one we ran when the Vet came over, right before you died, and the fire extinguisher is the one I mounted near that 10 kilowatt generator I built for you, because you would never evacuate for hurricanes, and *could not live* without air conditioning... all meaningless, now...

Whacked out with the Sawzall, bolted down with Universal Screws ( which always made you laugh-- you were a Good Kid, kiddo... )-- and your damned Golden One still views it "with great suspicion"...

Maybe when the doorbell rings-- which it doesn't, anymore-- he will go charging thru it...

Got a postcard from the Eye Doc yesterday... at least he had the good grace not to send one to you, my Dead Baby...

Yes, I could use new glasses. But *we* really can't afford them... and besides, if I let him dilate my eyes, who will drive me home? Last time, we took my truck, you had a devil of a time with the stick shift... I should have known something was wrong with you, then...

miss you
johnny<HR>Just an old Keyboard Cowboy...gating back out, into Cyberspace and the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dreamtime">-Dreaming--</a>

<img src="http://tinyurl.com/yatmxq"><center>-30-</center>

by **backhoe** » 07/ 22/ 10 7:56 am

And a Letter ( or more accurately, Note ) to you, Dear Reader?

I'm sure all of you who have had any sort of long-term relationship realize that some of these scrawlings of mine are a little "sanitized for your protection..." Miss Emily was a fine a person as I've known-- but she wasn't perfect.

She really did have a green thumb-- but sometimes not a lot of sense about planting things.

One was spiderwort-- go ahead, google it-- it's a damn weed, and an invasive one at that. She planted it all over, and I have got to dig the bloody things up before they take over the yard.

Another was her "Oasis"-- you can find pictures of it on facebook.
What you can't see-- and she either didn't realize, or didn't care-- it blocks the only access via truck to the house... I'll leave it alone for now, but if I move, or need to get something bulky in the house- it's got to go.

Finally, there are the juniper trees she planted in the grave area... besides sticking you, they were far too close to the old carriage house...

...took the chainsaw to them this morning. I really didn't hate to do this one thing-- I told her not to plant them where she did, it was too close.
They were dragging on the shingles, already.

To the curb with 'em...

by **backhoe** » 07/ 22/ 10 11:25 am

...and in dog news, since relocating the dog door, Zoey has actually gone thru it with a little coaxing. Cole views it With Great Suspicion...

AARP want to give you a deal on your membership ( "She's dead- return" ) and the insurance on my little red buzz bomb dropped from $396 to $75. Should have done that when you quit your job 2 years ago.

by **backhoe** » 07/ 22/ 10 2:06 pm

Since I gave up my ( alleged, it isn't real ) 'net anonymity... remember the art exhibit I gave right when we got married?

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v117/rollinson/johnart84.jpg" height="662" width="411">

Good times, babes-- I wish we could step back, in time, and see them again...

by **backhoe** » 07/ 22/ 10 4:55 pm

I guess it's time to wrap up another day "since you went away..."

Washed two day's worth of clothes for me ( it's still less than one day's wash when we were a couple ) and hung them on the line to save electricity. Ditto the dishes, hand washed the few to save power.

Your two babies... well, my babies, now-- are finally cooling off. I started cutting the spiderwort off at the base and squirting roundup on the stumps, keeping in mind how paranoid you were about them chewing that stuff.

But it was just too hot to do it long-- I've been thru 3 shirts already today.

I belatedly realized ( been doing lots of that, recently, haven't I? ) that one of your music stands with something flat, would deflect air from the front heat pump and direct it better into the bedroom. Stuck a Spirit "Dreams of Dr. Sardonicus" LP album in it, works fine. But Zoey still camps out on the sofa, the warmest place, and rebreathes her own hot breath. Damn fool dog.

It sure is quiet around here...

...since you went away.

i love you emmy
johnny

by **backhoe** » 07/ 22/ 10 5:16 pm

Yeah, it belongs here, too...

http://www.freedominion.com.pa/phpBB2/v ... &start=615

"I have wildflowers blooming. I find a new one each day. It’s amazing.

The wind touched my face today and I felt the touch of God and I smiled."

Smiling to myself... through tears. This probably belongs in "Letters..." but I'll just say,

You were always a lot more spiritual and mystic than I am, Miss Em... may you

Touch the Face of God

Sleep tight, my baby

by **backhoe** » 07/ 23/ 10 2:37 am

The Long Night...
the Dead World...

" Deep In A Dream"

I dim all the lights and I sink in my chair.
The smoke from my cigarette climbs through the air.
The walls of my room fade away in the blue,
And I’m deep in a dream of you.
The smoke makes a stairway for you to decend;
You come to my arms, may this bliss never end,
For we love anew just as we used to do
When I’m deep in a dream of you.
Then from the ceiling
Sweet music comes stealing;
We glide through a lover’s refrain.
You’re so appealing
That I’m soon revealing
My love for you over again.
My cigarette burns me, I wake with a start;
My hand isn’t hurt, but threr’s pain in my heart.
Awake or asleep, ev’ry mem’ry I’ll keep
Deep in a dream of you

<img src="http://www.jamesgavin.com/page239/page62/files/page62_2.jpg">

<img src="http://www.jamesgavin.com/page239/page62/files/page62_1.jpg">

http://www.jamesgavin.com/page239/page62/page62.html

http://www.virginmedia.com/music/browse ... bums/80997

I'll "see ya around, kiddo..."

by **backhoe** » 07/ 23/ 10 3:51 am

"In Memory
of Emily..."

June 2-5, the final conference...

http://tinyurl.com/29thryt

Oh, sweetheart, you were still so fat
and I still loved you
and I still miss you
Where does, all that love go?

Room 120 at Honey Creek-- "your room," away from home... the last place you watched your DVD player, alone.
I took you there and back, so many times, when you felt too bad to drive yourself.
Where your Compaq died, and I brought you the Acer, that sits forlorn on your nitestand... still showing pictures of your dogs and garden...

Damn
It
All

Emily.
You picked a fine time to leave us, Lucille...

by **backhoe** » 07/ 23/ 10 7:28 am

Darlin', I just did the strangest thing...

http://www.amazon.com/Strange-Days-Doors/dp/B000002I27

<img src="http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/ciu/83/77/3efc9833e7a040091c7b0110.L.jpg">

I washed your, err, I mean my, little car.

Remember when you had a job ( and I still have mixed feelings about that-- with the end that came, it was nice having you "underfoot." On the other hand, we'd be about $38,000 farther away from destitution. Hard call... ) and a Corporate Image to maintain, I took your car to Morgan's down Union street one a week for wash & wax?

Well, it was looking pretty dusty since you only drove it to the hairdresser's once a month, and I figured it was time.

Gathered $3.00 worth of quarters from my truck's stash of coins, rode off... and realized while the Touch Free chassis was circling and washing the car...

Last time I did this, you were alive, employed, and seemingly the future stretched out for years and decades.

Now I'm home again, with our, err, I mean my dog children...

"...and I straighten
Miss Emily's picture
on the wall..."

"Letters to Miss Emily..."

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