I'm going to ask the indulgence of our gracious hosts, and start this ( And I swear I'll send something during the next fundraiser, even if I have scrimp by hand rolling smokes... ) thread.
Don't know if it's a good idea, do not know if I can sustain it-- but I will try to now devote this:
http://www.freedominion.com.pa/phpBB2/v ... p?t=132035
Miss Emily has died
...to stuff about her, our lives together, any essays and photos I find, and make this like I'm writing her each day until we meet again.
"For the Duration..."
It begins with pickups from page 37 of her post:
http://www.freedominion.com.pa/phpBB2/v ... &start=540
I had thought-- thought really hard-- about starting a standalone post
"Letters to Miss Emily..."
About all the things she has missed, since She Flew To The Sun
( or "moved on," or "went away," or "died on me..."
there's so much to tell, I wouldn't know where to start.
I miss you, Emmy...
And I grieve when I'm not "OK."
I'm "OK" most of the time,
...but when I'm not, I hurt so bad that I'd really like to lie down with my babies- what's left of them- and go to sleep forever and go back, into the dreaming, and never wake up again...
There's a little more- just snippet of a life, interrupted-- here:
"Letters to Miss Emily..."
Drive's cloned, hooks are sunk into structural members of the new garage & old carriage house, awaiting a line. Will clip one end and put a pulley & weights on the other to keep it taut-- remember how that old line sagged?
Your spice garden is going to ruin, hon-- damifIknow what it needs. I told Chris when he came by to tell his Mom she's welcome to take what she wants, or take clippings from any of your ornamentals.
I still run into people we knew who don't know you're dead... and it's just as hard this time as it was last time.
Cole still lies in the middle of where your beloved pool was, thinking & dreaming-- I don't know what. He's quit looking behind me when I come home, and I don't if that's better or worse, for him and for me.
Miss Cherry's family seems to be enjoying your pool as much as you did-- I think I did right, and I hope you understand. I kept seeing you shuddering with joy as you sank down in it that last day, and I kept feeling that's when I lost you.
Irrational, I know, but I couldn't shake that feeling.
I've thought of many ways to shave expenses- it won't solve the problems we were facing in the long run, but it may buy me some more time. Dear heart, we were spending about $510 a month on smokes for you- that alone will help, but it sure was a hard way to kick the habit...
I'm going to splurge and get cordless clippers for Zoey-- the cord on those "quiet motor" clippers I got spooks her a little, and there are so few places to plug in to in this old pile of yours...
Besides, I could use them in the yard, and the birdies you loved so would like her wool for their nests.
The baby blue jays are still squalling, and how I wish I had gotten my monocular for you on that last day to see them better. You were so blind, baby.
Gotta run, babes-- I've got miles to go, like I did when you were with me- I might take your car, since it hasn't moved in a month except to make room for people at your service June 22. That seems so long ago... yet so recent...
I'm OK. Except when I'm not.
I love you